Lighten the Load Confessional

Stress has been ever present for me these past several months and has been building to a point of great frustration and anxiety. My house and my jeans are are bursting at the seems. I have struggled with weight my entire life, so that is nothing new...but this issue with my house has me to the point of nightmares. I need help! I need help, but the house is so bad I could not let anyone step inside TO help. I would have to clean the house BEFORE the housekeeper came.

Everywhere I turn, there is more stuff. We really bit off more than we could handle when we purchased this 2 bedroom, one bath, 100 year old house. The bathroom is 6x6 with only a claw foot tub. We shower in a make-do stall in the middle of a partially finnished basement. I have only two very, VERY small closets....my daughter's and the one where I store some Christmas items. I have an eBay room, that is overflowing with all of my teaching supplies (as is a storage area in the building behind the house), and odds and ends of this and that. I have another room that I would like to use as a large walk-in pantry, but it is full to the ceiling with boxes of stuff that we have not unpacked from partially moving in. Guess at this point I should point out that I actually have furniture in two separate houses...because I did not want all of my furniture here in the way while we were remodeling/restoring. For four years, I have lived out of Rubbermaid containers and used make-shift rods for hanging clothes. I don't have a linen closet...well that is if you count the Rubbermaid container.

I feel as though this clutter/mess perpetuates itself with the stress and my total shut down of being able to function or to figure a way out of it. The mountain of clutter scattered throughout my house is so mind boggling that I absolutely do just shut down....and when I shut down.... nothing gets accomplished AND the clutter/mess gets worse...and so on and so on. Sometimes I wonder if I am lazy and that is reason/excuse that I cannot seem to get motivated to get organized, but then I realize that my inability to cope is because the overall project is so overwhelming.

In addition to the craziness of my household, I have gained so much weight over these past two years. I am not confident enough to share exactly how much I weigh, but I will share that it is to the point that I am beginning to have medical problems. My family has a history of heart disease and my mother passed away before she turned 60...so turning 50 this past year has added even more to my stress levels.

Debt is another stressful issue at the moment. My two year hiatus is over in a couple of months...the funds have dwindled and unfortunately, we cannot live on one income. Hais' college expenses are looming on the horizon. In my current mindset and physical condition, I cannot see myself going back to teaching. I either have to get 3/4 of my debt reduced within 6 months or find a way to make decent money working from home...or I will be back to teaching full time. (Just a bit of a disclaimer here...I LOVE teaching...I just do not like everything that goes with it.)

Around the world, people make their New Year's goals-- with weight loss and getting organized usually at or near the top of the list. The older I get, the more that making New Year's Goals seems futile. I never seem to accomplish those goals, so why bother to set them?So, what am I going to do? Well, I have decided that I am NOT going to just throw my hands up in despair. I am going to take action...small steps toward a total goal of lessening my anxiety in the form of debt, weight and other crap in my life. (please excuse my language for a moment)

I wonder if there are others who struggle with these same issues...in part or whole. If so, I invite you to join me in my own challenge for this year...nope NOT a goal...but a challenge to "Lighten the Load in 2009". To lighten my debt burden, lighten the weight causing excruciating pain on my back and knees....AND to lighten the weight of the crap (ooops that word again) in my house will be my challenge for these next 11 and one half months. I am challenging myself to Lighten the Load by 11,500 units. A unit is a pound or a dollar....and yes, I have some pretty heavy items in my household. In fact, I am going to knock 1500 off of the list almost immediately, because we just sold our little 1970 VW Beetle.

So here I am confessing my short-comings, fears, and general anxieties about life in hopes that it will motivate me to move forward in a positive, deliberate manner. Would you like to join me?